Original post March 2013
Oh the stress!
Well, I'm nearing the end of the Sun Power Yoga TTC course and I have to say, I have never felt yoga being so stressful!This is one intense course. It really does require you to have all your time available for the 3months as the homework loads is massive and to be able to fit it around all my jobs has been a struggle and sometimes a downright impossibility...my may concerns in the first place before even doing the course. Think this photo below says alot as AM is standong on me!
Add the often abrasive nature of the teacher on top each week saying to all of us that the work, that you've put your heart into, isn't good enough, is very hard to swallow.It's not for the faint hearted, thats for sure, but hey, it's character building and 'what doesn't kill you' and all those other million cliches that there are.....However, to give a balanced view, the course content, the attention to anatomy, the technique and experience is brilliant (if all a little disorganised).
I'm warn out and the exams are getting close. I'm feeling sick as I never liked assessments and anything that makes me feel like I'm on show, performance, being judged, assessed, criticised makes me have panic attacks. I'm using as many yoga techniques as I can imploy but right now, doesnt seem to be working.
I feel sorry for everyone that knows me as they are not getting a look in my life at the moment as every minute is homework. All must feel neglected and as though I'm being my usual 'workaholic' self, non socialable, and a rude individual...but my focus has to be on this, I cant let it wander. I need my 7 years of teaching and therapies to stand for something and to not be wiped out and disregarded just becuase my qualifications (Sivananda no less) no longer 'fulfill' the latest requirements anymore. I need to update my CV in order to be recognised for my skills, otherwise everything I have done has been for nothing, no validation, nowt. nada..... and I cant / wont have that.
I want to be the best teacher I can be and I feel I'm not far off that in a lot of respects and I want everyone else out there to know that and how can they if some jumped up little personal trainer ego in a polo shirt in a gym says no to me teaching a class, because my qualification is not on his 'yes' list. Or the therapy room equivalent...take your pick. and breathe..... Three more weeks and hopefully, I will have passed and managed to get through the practical without throwing up over the first row of students! Vernpanic.
UPDATE: I made it!!!!